So once again I have gone MIA. I sit and wonder why do I have a page called
Fat to Fit mom when the fit parts seems to not happen. I take 100% full responsibility for
this. I am not doing what needs to be
done. I am over eating so I am counter
acting any of the working out I am doing.
SO basically I am wasting my time.
I have been pretty depressed lately and my weight going up is not
helping. I have to admit…today I was
at a pretty low point. I actually went
back to bed and called work to tell them I would be in late. I got on the scale this morning and it was
198.8! WTF? I know why it is there….why do I do this to
myself. Why do I let myself get like
this. Where was I when I was able to
maintain a 168 lb on average. These
30 pounds are weighing me down in more than one way. I was
determined that I was not going to to go my weekly noon TRX class today. I was going to skip a week until I had my
weight back down. I felt so ashamed and
embarrassed. I just knew everyone
would be able to see it on me. My gosh. I have been working out with them for over a
year and haven’t gotten any smaller. I
went back to bed and set my alarm for an hour later. I finally dragged my butt outta bed and
decided I need to go to work. Then I
decided I need to pack my workout clothes and I need to go to TRX. I did
the workout and it was hard, but I did it.
I feel better but I am still very upset with myself. I feel that it did help me avoid the gas
station for my iced coffee that I generally treat myself with. Yeah,
how does that work….bust my butt in a workout and then reward myself
with food? Pretty sure I am undoing all
of the hard work I did. In fact I know I
am because it shows on my body and on the scale. Enough is enough already. Time to get my head in the game (words I have said before….) When will this finally stick again. I am miserable fat. I am miserable when my clothes are too
tight. I am miserable when I have to
buy larger clothes so I don’t feel so miserable. I need to stay strong and get through
this. I just feel like everyone is judging me. I lost all this weight and gained ½ of it
back. Im sure they are all watching….waiting
for me to fail and gain the other 30 pounds back. I
have to take a stand. I will not let it
happen. Hard to think I can do it
with Memorial day weekend coming. All
the food and drinks. I have to make a
meal plan and stick to it! Ok. I am sorry that I have gone on and on and on,
but I want everyone to realize that weight loss isn’t always so easy. Calories in vs calories out. There are many other factors that go on in the human brain that
side track us. We have to learn to overcome
these!
